Saturday, November 29, 2008

I dono if i am able to make it.
It seems harder than last yr.
But its also prob the time factor.

But i belief i can make it,
given time, some good luck and good people.

Take it easy, fel.

butterfly fantasy at
9:55 AM

Thursday, November 27, 2008

i must be dreaming or...
jus plain stupid.

but i think im jus stupid la.
haha

butterfly fantasy at
2:03 PM

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I love taking buses.
Of cos not when its damn crowded.
But when there are a few people sitting around
and i have a window seat.
Window seat is very impt.
It allows me to reflect and relax during my journey.

On tues, i waited damn long for 171.
So long, i was starting to think i will hate taking buses from then on.
But when the bus came. I smiled inside and went 'ah ha! Finally'.
This shows i will never give up on taking a bus.
The comfort i felt just by sitting on it, and the many silent wishes that the journey will not end.. simply shows my love.

On 171, i was thinking abt a prob tt was bothering me.
I was wondering if he knows this prob is a deep one becos it shows alot on how he is handling a relationship.
Den i went 'of cos he doesnt understand.'
and then, i went fuming mad.
but only for a short while, becos thinking abt his good points comforts me so much.
(:
See how taking a bus ride clears my head.

butterfly fantasy at
10:14 PM

if this is wat i wan.
why is it bleeding inside me?

never will u understand.
never ever..

butterfly fantasy at
7:38 PM

Silence in the room.
Mind still working double the speed.

Cant understand..
is it so fragile?

whole day. no contact at all, even though u could.
stop telling me wat happens when i go ns.
it isnt time.
present is more impt.
i don need any training for the future.
what matters is wat u do now.
but never will u understand.

fighting wif ppl i don even gif a shit about.
attention.
when will it fully be mine?
money or brand don buy me happiness.
i ve no wants. except to travel.
need: attention.

giving in is never my forte.
but still i did. for once. i tried.
i don feel stupid. cos i tried.
no appreciation watsoever.
except for the dreadful word: sorry.
sorry aint the world. sorry don cure anymore.
sorry is a word i wanna wipe out in our memories.
but never, will u understand.

change. not the same. diff world.
not willing to communicate.
did u even ask me wat i wan?
y did u assume?
esp wif ppl i dono well.
i would if u asked me first.
i don like u making plans without me.
i feel...

tired now. willing to feel the shit.
and not short term happiness.
y m i fighting? for wat purpose?
holding on to a thin piece of thread.
i tot it will hold me. but its breaking up.

u said ok. u wun regret.
i feel something inside broke.

butterfly fantasy at
12:01 AM

Monday, November 24, 2008

So i try to eat less. skip meals.
but y m i still so fat?

arrggghhhh...

studying is a slow and torturing process.

butterfly fantasy at
11:46 PM

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Bro did not win yest. But he was great lei.. haha
Anw, he is already a winner!

So gene n me were quite aimless yest.
So we roam ard. Ages since we done tt!
I mean we have been so lazy to step out of the house.
Well, except late at nite. For gatherings or clubbing.
Im a weekend drinker, i need to drink on weekends.

So, after aimless walking around, we boarded the train towards Marina. Just so we can get a seat. To play PSP! I almost kick his ass.. well.. almost la..

After which, we bought some cheap drinks and went to my area for a drink n more psp!
After finishing all the drinks, i needed the toilet so we went home. Then then then, after(notice how many 'after' i used) abt 1hr, i decided i haven had enluff to drink. So we went down AGAIN! haha..
And we spent most of the night jus talking away like tt.
It was relaxing!

Last night he made up to me for not going down sentosa on fri. haha.. well.. i din miss out anything anyway. Cos wat i missed, i got back last nite! And it was way cheaper!

And did i mention? Im broke broke broke. Though i know if i wanted to go anywhere, he will pay for me. I don wan to do tt la.. Asking him to pay but feeling not right for tt.

So, its the start of the week. A busy week i reckon. Mon go cwp collect stuff. Tues make card after sch n tuition. Wed whole day of sch n tuition. Thurs working. Fri will be steamboat COUPLE DATE! haha..

Though we cant quite remb when we first saw each other thru our respective bf. Thank god we live so near to each other. So quite easy to meet out tgt. Haha.

Anw, random tots now.
If its so difficult, why bother?
Its so difficult to understand u.
Why cant people put their words across more clearly?
Its getting irritating trying.
Funny. A word to describe ur thinking. well, tt is if i truely understand ur thinking.
Lost. A word to describe u.
Hopeless. A word to describe us.

I asked Bf 'we will always be tgt rite?'
Bf(while playing psp): Ya
Me: Always tgt, unless u got another gal?
Bf: Wun have another gal la.

So tt's all i need to hear.
Enough for me to lean on u. n only u.

Bf jus sms-ed me. He's bringing me somewhere on 12Dec. where where where????

butterfly fantasy at
8:19 PM

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

On the way to YS today, I felt lucky.
I have a not-too-bad-quality hp.
I can study.(Though i whine about it)
I can travel. (Though not as and when i like)
I can eat whatever I want.
I have pretty bags, shoes, slippers, dresses, etc (Though I still want more)
I have a grandma, who passed away 30yrs ago but is still around looking after us.
Now, i do not know my grandma personally. I din have the chance to. And perhaps, when its time for me to go. She would already have been re-born. But THANKS!

The list could go on and on. But I was wondering... life wouldnt be any different wat.
If i do not have a hp, i will use the public phone.(Like the first few years of my life)
If i cant study, i will work. Which in turn.. gives me enough cash to travel, have pretty bags, etc...

So did I chose my path correctly?
However, don get me wrong. For I am Thankful. (=

butterfly fantasy at
10:27 PM

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Ive just deleted my previous blog. According to jac(a few yrs ago..) i will delete it when i truely put it down. The 'it' refers to my previous r/s, which i would rather not mention again. So, at last.. im free. (=

Plans for this weekend cancelled. Not tt i really mind. I know if I really wanna go, dear will bring me there. But no point la.. we might as well save up for our trip next year. (=

Perhaps I simplified the matter. Perhaps u complicated the matter. But it doesnt matter. Im not used to this kind of situation anw.

Lately, I've been trying. To work harder. But im not sure if its working. Im jus not as motivated, compared to... when i was taking my Os? I wanna score well too. Who don wan...

Dear n me are also having problems. Mayb he's jus busy, trying his best too and he is not used to it. So it is occupying his time. Aiya.. just don ignore feelings or any matter. It wun jus vanish de. Im very impulsive. Breaking up is not a statement to me. I really wanna do it. But im afterall a girl la.. still abit soft at heart. Well anyway...

And some1 asked me a WHAT IF qns..
I couldnt ans. Becos i don see the purpose in that. Even if u turn back time, we might not be the same.

And money is an issue to me. Can money jus fall from somewhere?

I so wanna go back Phuket..

butterfly fantasy at
1:20 AM